Tuesday, September 10, 2013

CELEBRATE THE STAGES OF YOUR JOURNEY

I learned a new word in preparation for the final meeting with this group of ladies in the "Understanding & Healing  Hidden Hurts" Sexual Abuse Recovery Ministry I have had the privilege of co-facilitating for the past five years. The word is denouement. I like Dr. Dan Allender's definition of the word:

        "A denouement is not a complete or fully resolved ending but a satisfying closure to a story. In French it means 'an untying, a relaxing of a knot of complexty'....Denouement is a respite that calls us to stop the journey for a brief interlude--to eat, drink, sing, dance, and tell our story to others." 

To me, this meant we should pause to meditate, share, and celebrate where we are now in our journey while realizing we have more to do before we are where God wants to take us on the path toward healing. So, we decided to make our last meeting one of celebration.

As getting around is becoming increasingly difficult for me, the women generously agreed to meet in our home. What a joy to look out the window and see them pulling in the driveway and piling out laughing and talking. After fourteen weeks of being together through tears and shared pain, a strong bond of love and trust had developed between all of us that always makes us  want to continue. But, we need times of denouement, and that was what I saw developing as they got out of the cars. They had carpooled the thirty miles to my home and had already started the celebration before  arriving.

The first thing we did was gather around our large dining-room table for a meal each of us had a part in providing and preparing.There is something about setting around a table, eating, relaxing, and talking that allows us to drop our guard and be willing to share more freely than anywhere else. We learned much more about one another in those moments than we probably had the previous thirteen weeks. Martha asked everyone to be thinking about where they thought they were on their journey.

Our meal made us so sleepy that a couple of us went to sleep before the DVD was finished. Yes, I was one of the two. Some hostess I turned out to be! But, I was so comfortable with these ladies with whom I'd walked as they were on this first part of their journey that I wasn't even embarrassed when I awoke and they laughed with me.

Each lady shared what she felt God had done for her during this first phase of their journey toward healing. As beautiful as it was to hear their words, their faces and actions told it all. Fourteen weeks ago, fourteen strangers, ages sixteen to seventy-three, had met in a room and wondered what was in store for them. As the weeks progressed we lost one member when  she moved to California, another started back to college, and our youngest member lost a way to get to the meetings. As is the case in every group, there were four members  who just weren't up to the challenge and dropped out. We appreciate so much  their effort and courage in  trying and believe they will seek help again someday. And because they walked with us for a few weeks, they became a part of our hearts.

On June 2, 2013 we met as scared and timid strangers. On September 8, 2013 we parted as sisters who knew each others pain of the past and shared a united hope for the future. I'm so glad we took the time to  celebrate one another.

The young woman who was training these past weeks to take my place is going to be a good facilitator. She and Martha will be a wonderful team together. One day I got to the meeting a little after the  two of them. They weren't expecting me as I'd had to miss the two previous meetings. I could hear them laughing together as they were getting things ready and a tinge of jealousy went through me. I shared that with the    two of them and saw t he understanding in their eyes. It has been hard for me to realize that I must step aside, because I've been so passionate about the ministry to hurting women.

For that reason, I don't think God is through with me in this work. He will open other avenues as He did this blog which has reached women in ten different countries. And as long as there is breath in my body, I want to continue to be obedient to His command to "tell it".

I would love to hear your comments or questions. You may e mail me at betty_barber@aol.com or leave a comment at the end of this post.