Sunday, October 27, 2013

OUR MIND, SATAN'S TARGET, Part One


John 10:10 - "The thief (Satan) comes only to steal and kill  and destroy, but I have come that they may have life and have it to the full." NIV
1 John 3:8b -  "The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil's work." NIV


I wish I could find the source of what I'm about to write, but since I can't, and since it fits so perfectly into what is on my heart today, I'm going to paraphrase it from memory:
     "If I were Satan and wanted to make sure that I had a person for life, I would send a person with  a perverted mind to sexually abuse a child. Then, while that child was too young to know the difference, I would whisper into her heart that she was evil and should br ashamed all of her life. I would then have that person's mind as mine."

Now that I've paraphrased that, I wish even more that I could find the original source, for  it falls far short of the full meaning of  that original source. But, I think it makes the point.

Some of you may be thinking (especially if you are one  who has never experienced sexual abuse) why I keep writing on this subject. You may have felt that I'm a bit absorbed with the subject. The truth is, I  am --passionately. And the reason is that I know there are thousands of  people, both men and women, who are suffering in silence and shame as I did for years. I want to be a  voice that both validates their suffering  and offers them hope, true hope based on both experience and the promises of God. I want them to  know that there is  healing, complete healing in the name of  Jesus Christ.

Shame seems to be Satan's most powerful grip on the mind, heart, soul and body of a sexual abuse victim, years after the experience, and as I've quoted Dr. Allender before, "Time seems only to intensify this stronghold ." And, it is usually the hardest to overcome. Shame, also referred to as self-contempt, is "a cancer that seems to fester and affect everything in our lives, including our relationship with ourselves, others, and the God who loves us unconditionally....Our experience becomes something we can't talk about....We may have developed an all-consuming terror of being exposed for who we really are...We may fear that if others really see us for who we are--defective, shameful, unlovable--they will abandon us." (Julie Wooley, from her workbook, "In The Wildflowers")

I remember so vividly wondering why I was different from other people. My shame was intertwined with an equally powerful feeling of fear--nothing spicific, just a general unnamed fear. We were in revival one year with a well-known evangelist who opened the floor to questions the last night. Feeling this was a safe place to ask and maybe find an answer to the cause of that  fear, I asked, "What would make a person live with a general fear?" He looked at me as if I were a child and quoted from James, "Perfect love casts out fear." My shame level raised significantly and I wished I could just grow tiny enough to not be seen. I had exposed my heart and let others know there was something lacking in me. I determined not to make that  mistake again.
I don't mean to put that man down in any way for he was a powerful man of God. But, my experience and the affects it had left on me was not something he knew about in order to understand where I was coming from. There is a great need for churches to realize that they have a lot of people in their congregations who need help for healing from traumatic childhoods.I am so grateful our pastor understands that and is one of the strongest supporters of our sexual abuse recovery group.

But, back to my theme of shame. When we finnd a safe place or person and begin to speak out the horror of what happened to us, we have made the first step in overcoming the grip shame has on us. When we find others who understand and accept us just as we are, we have  the courage to continue our journey. That is the power of groups. We are surrounded by other hurting women who understand us on a level no one else can. And, as we listen to their lifes stories, we begin to see that we are actually acting and feeling normal--for someone who has been sexually abused. And when one person shares what God has done in the area of healing, hope rises in our own hearts. That's why it is so important to share our stories. We are fulfilling a scripture in Isaiah 43:12b: "You are my witness", declares the Lord, "that I am God."

I have not begun to write all that is on my heart, and this is full of mistakes that spell check can't take of. But, my hands are growing tired and I need to rest them. So, more later.

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

MY HEROINES AND HEROES



It takes a lot of God-given courage to speak about sexual abuse, especially to say "I'm one of the one in every three women (or one in six boys) who has been sexually abused."

I read something a few moments  ago about breast cancer survivors. The caption read "The real heroes are  those who speak about it."

How much more heroic are those who are willing to speak about their abuse in order to break the silence that keeps them and so many other victims in bondage?

If you are one of the persons whom God has healed, or is in the process of doing so, give Him the glory. Then pray for the wisdom and guidance that you can find a safe place to tell of what He's done for you. If you've never sought help, I pray you will find a safe person--doctor, pastor, trusted Christian friend, family member (unless you were abused by a family member and know they might not be willing to believe you), Christian counselor or therapist with whom to share your experience.

It's important to choose someone you think will believe you, for not being  believed is another form of abuse in itself. I chose to confide in our doctor who had known me for many years. It was a good choice, for after I told him, he looked at me and said, "Well, now I understand you". He then admitted the help I needed had not been a part of his training.  But he made an appointment with someone who was trained to help.

Sexual abuse is a worldwide problem that leaves deeply wounded children in its wake. These children grow up to live seemingly normal lives. But, in reality they are filled with deep emotions of fear, shame, silent rage, and deep soul pain.

Time is a great healer. But, it does not heal the damage  that has taken place in the soul of a  sexual abuse victim. The majority of women and men who have been abused live in denial--either that they are victims or  that it affected them in any way. 

But, God created our hearts to be true. For, that reason, He will continue to help us clean the basement of our soul by bringing what we stuff there to our conscious mind. And, no matter how many times we cram it back down, it will  eventually surface in a way we can no longer deny. And, you are never too old! Our last group was made up of women ranging in age from sixteen to seventy plus.

I once read a true story of a precious woman in her nineties who lay in the hospital on her deathbed. The nurse noticed that the usual calm with which she had accepted her death had been replaced with agitation. As she heard the nurse's footsteps, she opened her troubled eyes and  motioned to the nurse to bend down. The nurse understood that she wanted to say something, so she put her ear to the dying woman's  mouth. With a quivering voice, the old lady whispered, "I was sexually abused as a little girl." Those were her last words, but as the tears poured down her cheeks, the nurse whispered a prayer of thanks that the woman had found peace in the last moment of her life by telling the hateful secret with which she had lived for better than eighty years.

When I read this, I cried. I had never confided in anyone  at the time, and I knew the pain that lady carried for so many years. I'm grateful that I sought help when I was in  my late forties. And I can never praise him enough for the work he has done in my life. And I have been blessed every time I've had the opportunity to be obedient to "tell it". Praise the name, the holiness, the power and  the love of Our Heavenly Father. It is so everlasting and personal.



It is  vitally important to understand that  we are not to blame for the abuse that was done to us--whether we were three or a teen when it began. The blame for the abuse lies squarely with the abuser, and it doesn't matter if he was drunk, acting from his own perverted  childhood, or any other reason. He may be a damaged adult, but he made a choice and that choice was his alone. And only we can make the choice to seek His healing, restoration, and redemption. May He ever be glorified in my life and yours.