"LIVING" WITH THE CONSEQUENCES OF CHILDHOOD/ADOLESCENT SEXUAL ABUSE

When Martha and I began our "Understanding and Healing Hidden Hurts" Sexual Abuse Recovery Group for Women, we didn't have the money to have someone design and print pamphlets to let women know who we were, what the group was about, and some general information about the consequences women suffer as a result of having been a victim of sexual abuse. As Martha works full time in her counseling ministry and I am retired, I accepted that responsibility. Through the years of my own healing, I had read profusely and had several books on the topic of sexual abuse, so I had ready resources.

In my last post, I talked about what defines sexual abuse. That has been the most  widely read post on the blog, so I feel there may be some of you who questioned whether or not what happened to you would be called sexual abuse. I hope Dr. Allender's definition helped you to know one way or another.

In this post I am going to list the effects of living as a victim of sexual abuse. I am doing this for a couple of reasons:

• So those who are have been sexually abused can know the reason behind some of their actions that make them feel different. You aren't crazy or different. You are behaving as most victims of childhood sexual abuse behave. (Note the number of asterisks indicating which of these behaviors I exhibited for many years.)
• So that, if, like me, you find you  are "living" with these symptoms, you can know that you don't have to live this way. You will notice that I keep putting the word "living" in quotes. I feel I didn't really live all of those years, I existed; and I did that by living a lie that everything in my life was normal. I takes an awful lot of energy to pretend, and it doesn't honor God. If I were to go back over that list again there would be no asterisk, for by the grace of God, they are no longer a part of my life.

 These are not things that I have come up with but what I've gotten from the books I alluded to earlier. I was so shocked when I listed these in our pamphlet. I couldn't believe how many of these issues had been a part of my life in the long years before I sought healing. I have placed an asterisk in front of each of them. My hope is that if you find you, too, are suffering through many of these symptoms, that you will seek help--Christ-centered counseling or a good support group.

I promise you that there is healing in Jesus Christ if you are willing to  allow Him to walk with you on your journey. There is no quick fix! So, don't expect that. But, as I looked into the faces of the women in our group today, I was so proud of the progress they each have made. And, I realized once again the importance of sharing our stories with other women who  can understand our pain as no one else can. The ladies in our group still have more miles to walk on their healing journey and they know that. But, they have also glimpsed the hope held out by Jesus Christ and they are willing to finish what they started twelve weeks ago. They have no desire to go back to where they were before beginning their journey. How I love these courageous ladies!

  ------

Symptoms Suffered by Adults

As A Result of Childhood Sexual Abuse

• *  Damaged Goods - low self-esteem, depression, suicidal thoughts/attempts, guilt,   
•                                        shame, search for approval
• *  Betrayal - iinability to trust, blurred boundaries, role confusion, rage, grief
• *  Helplessness - aanxiety, fear, panic attacks, re-victimization tendency
• *  Isolation - sense of being different, lack of support, poor peer relations 
• *  Fear - of sleeping alone, night terrors, nightmares
• *  Poor body and self image
• *  Wearing excessive clothing
•    Self-abuse - skin carving, cutting
• *  Phobias - panic attacks, anxiety disorder, startle response
• *  Anger/rage - difficulty controlling anger and rage
• *  Shutdown under stress - unable  to cope with stress
• *  Lack of trust and intimacy
• *  Not able to say "No"
• *  Blocking of memories
• *  Feeling different - crazy, marked (I remember one day thinking to myself, "I wonder 
      why I'm different from other people?"
• *  Denial and flashbacks
• *  Sexual issues - extremes
•    Multiple personalities
• *  Signs of post traumatic stress disorder

We've all heard statements like, "Time is the great healer", or "Time heals all wounds," and "Just give it time and it will get better." But, there are wounds that go too deeply for time alone to heal. Sexual abuse is one of those wounds. In fact, as Dr. Dan Allender states, "Sexual abuse damages the soul. Time seems to intensify this hurt."

My heart aches for those of you who are still living with that pain. And I think the reason God  asked me to share what He has done in my life, is because His heart aches for you a  thousand  times more than mine ever could. And, He wants to let you know what He wants to do for you. May you walk with Him.