Too many women (and men) live with the effects of sexual abuse for years but are unable to understand the reason. Maybe, because they view what happened to them as nothing serious, they don't consider it to have been sexual abuse. Also, we have the tendency to compare what happened to us with other women's stories and tend to minimise ours because their stories are so much worse.
I remember sitting in the first sexual support group I attended and hearing stories of things that I had really never heard about, much less experienced. As I listened, I thought to myself, "What am I doing here? They are the ones who have been abused." But, that was not right thinking. I learned that if it affected us, then it was abuse, and I needed help just as much as anyone.
Dr. Dan Allender gives the most comprehensive definition of sexual abuse I've found in his book, The Wounded Heart:
"Sexual abuse is any contact or interaction (visual, verbal, or psychological ) between a child/adolescent and an adult when the child/adolescent is being used for the sexual stimulation of the perpetrator or any other person. Sexual abuse can be committed by a person under 18 if the perpetrator is older or in a position of power over the victim. Abuse that happens within a family system is technically called incest. .. all inappropriate sexual contact is damaging and soul-distorting."
When I came across this definition, it brought back shameful memories. One memory was when I was somewhere between six and eight. I had run as fast as I could to get away, but two boys had caught me and taken turns holding me down while they had their way with me. Because we were all kids when it happened, I had not put it in the same category as the abuse that began at age thirteen. But, I realized that memory carried an awful lot of shame. Other memories were ones that I had accepted as normal at the time, but realized they were the reason I hated parts of my God-given body. I can't remember a time when I wasn't teased about my big bottom, and was told by a family member that if I was as small all over as I was from the waist up, there wouldn't be much to me; but if I was as big all over as I was from my waist down, I'd be quite a woman. I became very self-conscious of my body after that shaming picture was formed in my mind. I would never have thought that some one's words could be defined as sexual abuse, but they were shameful to me even then. The last memory was of being in a shower and turning to see my abuser watching. Again, though it made me ashamed, I would never have considered that as sexual abuse because there was no physical contact.
We are all created in the image of our Creator. Our bodies are holy in God's eyes as they are the temple of His Holy Spirit. Every man, woman, and child deserves to be able to set boundaries as to who has the right to share their body. But, thousands of children every day are being robbed of this basic right, whether they are victims of the sickening sex trafficking or betrayed by perverted people they've loved and trusted. What should have been a time of innonence and happiness as they are protected by those who love them , becomes an unending nightmare. Each of these precious children will grow up filled with shame, fear, guilt, and an unrelenting pain that colors every aspect of their being--physically, emotonally, mentally, and spiritually.
But, praise God, if they can find people to walk with them, He will turn what Satan intended for their destruction into healing that shines with His glory.
It has saddened me that I am becoming physically unable to continue walking with women as they journey toward that healing in our group setting. But, I will continue to tell the story of what God has done in my life as long as He gives me breath. Because, it is His story and is to be told to encourage others as they see what He did in my life and realize He wants to do the same or even greater in their own lives.
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